It’s been a long time since I have written anything in this blog—truthfully, in the last few years, time seems to be passing as if isn’t. I look up and its summer and now its after summer…actually its just about Canadian Thanksgiving and I wonder how it happened so fast? Or better yet, when did that happen? I look in the mirror and I look older but I don’t’ feel older. This whole relationship with time marching on seems so odd to me.  Then add the component of the aging body to this mix and I find myself wondering how could this be real.  Don’t get me wrong, I understand intellectually what is happening, but on an emotional level? Ha…that’s something different. Anyway…that’s a whole other discussion for another “time”.

After getting back from my trip to Asia I busied myself with friends, family and life. All the while however, I was digesting the sights and adventures that I have been through.  My excursion took me on an extensive and expansive journey not only externally but internally as well. Fifteen weeks “on the road” gave me the luxury of “being” wherever I ended up. My timetable was filled with what I wanted to do—not needed to. In some places we were on the road everyday seeing and feeling so much that at night we’d fall into bed exhausted. In others, we took our time and allowed ourselves to be lulled into living in the moment.

India was probably the place I found most challenging and rewarding in that it was everything all at once. I found her beautiful and ugly, spiritual and greedy. There, I felt that both positive and negative aspects of life, more than any other place I have been to, were loud and in my face.  In India, I found that I couldn’t get a way with just being an observer. By the very fact that I was there I also became a participant…I must admit I found that both exhilarating and very uncomfortable. It was exhilarating because it forced me to be alive and awake to the moment.  At other times, without having the time to step back and reflect it became very challenging. Here “on the road” unlike home, I didn’t have the luxury of stepping outside and observing what is around me…I couldn’t go home, lock the door, turn on the TV, have a glass of wine and or go to bed…and when convenient think about things.

Although these were not new revelations to me the depth with which I experienced certain moments was quite provoking to my psyche. I can say that one of my favorite and most satisfying feeling is my anticipation to the unknown. I loved wondering what we’ll see and encounter next. In the end I came home feeling more solid in the relationship I have with myself.  It seems the act of stepping out my comfort zone, for that amount of time, was just enough to help me feel more comfortable with “the me” I have become.  It also pointed out to me that for me at least it is important to step out side of my “normal”.

Having said all that, I have been pulled and practically pushed over the edge to start writing about the relationship again. The push is not external but internal. It seems that I cannot give myself permission to do anything unless the writing is also part of the deal.  I’ll be honest, I have been trying to get out of it consistently…but she wont let me go. I wake up in the middle of the night and write articles in my mind.  In the morning however, it’s a different story…and I am off to do something more “important”.

The information regarding the relationship is terrific and very practical; yet sitting daily in front of my computer, as part of my life to which I am dedicated has not quite gotten a hold on me yet!  Partly because I want to talk abut this concept without sounding like a textbook. I want it to be interesting and so far everything I have written (and did not post) sounds to me sooo theoretical.  The whole thing about the relationship creature concept is supposed to be anything but!  So what do I do? How do I move forward? The only thing I could think of doing is posting this along with the third part of the relationship poem. Perhaps doing this will move something within the relationship I have with myself and get me going again.

…I will end this post now and immediately post the 3ed part of the relationship poem. Enjoy!